There are times when you cry to know you’re alive. There are times when you feel so unworthy and useless. There are times when you feel yourself burden, standing in the dark, all alone, out of the miseries you created on your own. I’ve stood there many times, well aware that there’s no time. I look around with an impractical hope to make people like me, to get their love,affection, to get along with something that I’m not.
Well, it’s 0:00.
If You’re under a 30 degree hot shower, and your heart still feels cold; my dear, you’ve lost yourself. Lost yourself in a world that is no longer, was never yours. It’s the state of mind that looking in the mirror makes you feel dizzy. You work so hard, but fail so much. It’s hard to breathe. You’re terrified to be alone. The head, that’s so loud. The eyes, they burn. You don’t feel first, but always forgotten.
But then, Who am I ? No seriously. Who am I ? Who even are you? Do you really know the person you look everyday in the mirror?
What puts me into a really pathetic situation of figuring out who actually i am, leads to uncountable parts of me which are defined as “moods”. But then I realise those “moods” aren’t really moods, it’s me. How can I be a cry baby on something I may be totally right about. How I can be a total bitch on something I may be totally wrong about. Pretty complicated, I know. Since when was understanding people an easy job?? Oh well well,, I’ve often been described as the “split personality” “self-absorbed” but it totally makes me scream at the top of my voice without making sound, but then, this is where I end.
Ps- sorry for something really creepy written out of pure frustration.